How Biden Really Won
Adapted from "Joe Biden" by Gage Skidmore. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0
My fellow Americans,
Now that the electoral college has voted, it’s time for me to own up to something:
On the eve of the 2020 election I was visited by the ghosts of Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro. They teleported me to North Korea where the Antifa Board of Directors was busy printing billions of ballots. I, along with several thousand Antifites, loaded the ballots onto flying sleighs guided by reindeer. We flew across the United States delivering 306 ballots each to all the good little Democrats. Afterwards, we went to D.C. for pizza. We threw our garbage into the Dominion voting machines all across the country causing several of them to undercount votes for Trump.
Unfortunately, even though Biden won in a landslide because of our collective efforts, George Sorros still hasn't sent any of us our paychecks.
Happy Holidays from Think Weiss!